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The Most Important Lesson I’ve Learned Around Confidence

On Wednesday, I ran a teleseminar for over 1,100 people.

Afterward, one of my clients messaged me:

“Rich, you are a master of saying things that make me uncomfortable, like you did on the call yesterday with the guy you were coaching.

You told him to get present because you could hear him typing in the background. You called him out. It was great to witness. Yet when I consider doing the same, I get cold feet.”

But here’s what ACTUALLY happened…

Whilst I had heard him typing, I was a little overwhelmed and in my head as I knew that so many people were listening in.

So I ignored it and tried to keep coaching him, anyway.

Then, in real time, a member of my team texted me and said, “He’s not very present. I can hear him typing furiously in the background…”

And I snapped back and told him to get truly present to our conversation.

Only then did the impact of the coaching really begin to take place.

“Natural Confidence” is a myth.

When I first started building my coaching practice—about 10 years ago—I was fascinated by “natural confidence.” Because I’d lacked confidence for so much of my life.

Who were those people who seemed to be confident in every situation?

I interviewed dozens of amazing people. Guests on Oprah, Olympic athletes, even a man who made his living by breaking into banks to test their security systems.

One of the most important lessons I learned was that I tended to lack confidence when I compared what other people LOOKED like on the outside, with how I was FEELING on the inside…

What a mistake that was!

I had NO CLUE what they were feeling on the inside.

Over the years, I’ve met and coached super successful people in all sorts of fields—from high-performing athletes to multi-million dollar business owners to special forces operatives.

And whilst some of them are confident in every situation, most of them can look totally confident on the outside, whilst going through EVERYTHING I go through on the inside…

Self-doubt, insecurity, fear of missing out, imposter syndrome, voices in your head, saying you are not enough…

Sound familiar?

Me too.

You’re not alone.

Love. Rich

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