15 Life-Changing Insights
In a world where most coaches practice remedial coaching, you’ll stand out from the crowd when you model Deep Coaching.
Remedial coaching looks like this: You solve a client’s problem. And then you solve another, and another, and another.
It’s almost the coaching equivalent of junk food. It feels good for a moment but you keep coming back for more because you’re never truly satisfied.
Remedial coaching isn’t a bad thing, but it never dives deep enough to find out what your client really wants.
You can spend years helping clients achieve the goals they tell you they want but the thing is:
You can never have enough of what you don’t really need…
Deep Coaching is a different game.
- It’s insight-focused, not time-focused because your life can change in an instant, after a powerful insight…
- It’s impact-focused, not solution-focused because there’s no point solving a problem unless it’s the problem that truly need to be solved…
- And it’s question-focused, not answer-focused because (especially when you coach top performers) your clients don’t need answers to their questions. They need better questions to live into…
We’re changing the coaching world. One Deep Coaching Intensive at a time.
At every Intensive we run, we focus on Insight, Impact and Powerful Questions.
We’ve recently wrapped another Intensive in Los Angeles. And we had a blast with over 150 leaders and coaches from all over the world and from every background you can imagine.
We’re building a community of leaders who have transitioned into coaching. And in the room was a former top-ranked MMA fighter, a former Rabbi, a CEO with a career that spanned 40 years, and several military veterans (including one who’s recently returned from serving in Afghanistan). There were former Senior Vice Presidents from the corporate world, entrepreneurs who’ve made more than a million dollars a year, and entrepreneurs who have gone bankrupt (plus a few who have done both!) We had new coaches and coaches with a 20-year track record.
Here’s a taste of 15 insights we learned together:
1. Most people don’t go after what they want. They go after what they think they can get…
If you are anything like me, you will have spent up to 22 years in some kind of formal education. That’s a total of approximately 21,000 hours – from kindergarten to university.
You probably learned a little Science, Geography, History and Mathematics. Maybe you learned a little French or Spanish or even Latin. Perhaps you learned soccer or basketball or tennis.
But were you ever once taught how to dream? Were you ever taught to set extraordinary goals or to reflect on your deeper purpose? Were you ever taught how to ask for what you really, really, really want?
It’s no wonder we don’t know how to dream big. It’s no wonder we settle.
The biggest gift a coach can give their clients is to help them to dream bigger. And then to go after what they really, really, really want.
(Oh, and by the way, I coach some of the most extraordinary leaders out there. They dream bigger than most people will ever do. And, you know, the thing I do most often as their coach – is to help them dream even bigger!)
2. Most people are more willing to fight for their limitations than for what they really, really want…
It’s hard to go after what you really want because you are the product of thousands of generations of humans who lived in deep fear of standing out. The human brain evolved as a tool for survival. It’s literally a survival machine!
But it’s also a creativity machine. And creativity and survival are at odds with one another.
When you see a client who is convinced that their limiting beliefs don’t exist, have some compassion. That’s their brain doing it’s evolutionary job to help them survive.
Let them know that.
And then help them to go after what they really, really, really want, anyway.
3. There are less than 6 inches between you and everything you want…
Which makes the job of a coach SIMPLE but not EASY. We need to mess with our clients’ thinking!
4. Most people are far closer to everything they want than they can ever imagine…
Well, we already know – they are 6 inches away!
During a coaching conversation, I shared with Karen a concept I teach to top performers: “If you’re the most interesting person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”
She loved that idea, and when she got to the airport for her flight home, she applied it immediately.
In the airline lounge, she asked herself, “Who is the most interesting person in this room?”
There was an African American man who was about 6’ 5”, with big rings on every finger – and she went straight up to him and said, “You look like the most interesting person in this room. Let’s chat!”
He loved her boldness. They chatted for ages. And now he’s a client. And now she coaches athletes in the NFL!
You are far closer to everything you want than you can ever imagine.
5. Great coaching starts on the left-hand side of the line…
Most coaches work on their clients’ actions. After all, shift your actions and you’ll change your results. But if it was that simple, you could just read Richard Branson’s autobiography and you too would be a billionaire!
Great coaches take time to look for what their clients see and listen for what their clients hear…
Great coaches help their clients shift what they see and hear and then their world changes…
You see, great coaching starts on the left-hand side of this line:
6. Clients aren’t paying you for your time. They are investing in the space you create for life-changing insights. And a profound insight can happen in an instant…
7. The Dream and The Fear: There are only really 2 questions in coaching…
What do you want?
What’s stopping you?
If I was to add a 3rd, I’d say, “What’s your next TINIEST step?”
8. It’s great to hear a client say “Wow!” but it’s far more impactful when you hear a client say “Hmmm…”
9. Your success as a coach is measured by the number of bold requests you are willing to make…
Which makes it important to know HOW TO ASK.
In their book The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen offer 8 principles in asking for and getting what you want:
- Ask as if you expect to get it.
- Ask someone who can give it to you.
- Be clear and specific.
- Ask from your heart.
- Ask with humor and creativity.
- Give in order to get.
- Ask repeatedly.
- Be gracious in accepting a no.
(Personally, I’d recommend not paying too much attention to step 2 because I’m less interested in clients who have resources than clients who are resourceful. You see, I’ve had millionaires say it was too expensive to have me as their coach. And people who had a lot less money have gone away to do whatever it took to create the resources to hire me as their coach.)
10. Your Coaching Journey didn’t start the moment you became a Professional Coach…
Your 5 years in the military, your 10 years in the corporate world, or your 15 years as a doctor, a pastor, an entrepreneur or a parent are all directly related to the learnings and insights you have as a coach.
11. Great coaching might ‘look’ like magic but it actually happens because you’re willing to go on a lifetime journey into Mastery…
And a journey into Mastery actually has 4 levels:
Level 1: Discovery – this is when you have your first insight that life could be different. For many in our community, it’s the first time they read The Prosperous Coach.
Level 2: Intensity – this is when you take your first tentative steps in a new direction. Such change can feel intense.
For many in our community, this level of intensity is when they join us at an Intensive. (And yes, we call them Intensives for a reason!)
Level 3: Immersion – this is when you dive deeper into learning. You surround yourself with a community of other learners who are also making big changes in their life.
For many in our community, this is when they join a Salon (to build their Deep Coaching skills and to learn how to enroll $10K, $20K, or even $50K clients).
And for a few, it’s when they join 4PC (to be coached by me for several years, surrounded by a community of high-performers who are making an extraordinary difference in the world).
Level 4: Mastery – a true Master knows that this journey never stops.
Those in our community on the journey to Mastery will sometimes become an Apprentice and immerse themselves in working with me on every aspect of their life and business).
12. The only way to get good at something… is to be bad at something!
(When I posted this picture on Facebook, I woke up the next morning to discover that Mr. Cuban himself had tagged himself in my photo. I had no idea that a billionaire was following me on Facebook!)
13. Selling in front of a room is different from selling one-on-one coaching…
Over the years I have played with “Hard Selling” and “Playing Hard To Get.”
Hard Selling looks like me standing on a stage, encouraging and ‘pushing’ people to work with me. It’s not a great look, it doesn’t feel good, and it usually has far less of an impact than I’d hoped for.
Playing Hard To Get usually happens when I am so afraid of selling that I don’t even mention how to work with me. It doesn’t look so bad, but it deprives people of a true opportunity to learn and grow with me.
There’s a far better distinction I recommend when you are selling at an event. It has 3 parts:
- Sell The Experience
- Showcase Your Superheroes
- Make A Loving Invitation
(1) Sell The Experience – don’t be a speaker at your events. Be a coach. Allow people to fully experience the impact of your coaching – even from the stage.
(2) Showcase Your Superheroes – put your favorite clients front and center. Celebrate their success. Show your genuine pride in who they are and when they’re up to.
Here are some of my Superheroes – current and alumni members of 4PC – who we had on stage the other day: Helen Appleby, John Wineland, Jackie Knechtel, and Christina Berkley:
(3) Make A Loving Invitation – don’t sell hard and don’t play hard to get. But don’t hold back from sharing your pride in what you’ve created. And don’t be afraid to tell your people why you’ve created this just for them.
14. Get out of The Belief Business and into The Creating Business.
As Robert Fritz puts it:
“For years we have heard that what you believe will determine how well you will succeed in life … Yet … the premise is simply not true.
[Some of] the most successful, accomplished, innovative, and creative people in history did not have positive attitudes and thoughts, hardly ever thought that well of themselves, and were not filled with a heightened sense of self-love.
The most common human trait was a sense of doubt, a lack of personal esteem and confidence, and a pronounced lack of a belief in themselves.
People in the creating business have a range of self-opinions from negative to positive. And it makes NO difference to their success. The reason they create is because they want to see the creation exist. It is not about them. It is not a reflection of them. They are not hoping a successful accomplishment validates them, or heals their pain, or changes their various self-opinions.
… even if you had the most positive beliefs about yourself, the moment you make it about you, it will be difficult to sustain your success.
In the belief business, it is important what you believe, so the major activity is conversion to the ‘right’ belief.
In the creating business it doesn’t matter what you believe, but how well you create.
In fact, the central questions are: What result do I want to create? Where am I now? And how will I move from here to there?”
15. The MOST important question…
It isn’t: How much money do you want to make?
It’s not: How much money do you want to make in Proposals? (Although that’s a better question).
It’s not even: How much are you willing to serve? (Although that’s a great question).
The most important question you will ever ask yourself is:
What are you willing to struggle for?
You see, most people want to be rich without taking a risk.
Most people want to be published but they don’t want to write.
Most people want to be successful without making a sacrifice.
And most people want to make money now without the delayed gratification sometimes necessary to accumulate wealth.
That’s not a game you’ll win.
Instead… would you be willing to FAIL?
Because this is actually the only way you’ll win.
Are you willing to collect NOs?
Because it’s the path to ask the YESes you desire.
And are you willing to make mistake after mistake after mistake?
These are your stepping stones to success.
IF YOU DON’T FAIL AT SOMETHING AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK FOR THE NEXT 90 DAYS, YOU’RE PLAYING THE WRONG GAME.
“I don’t want you to leave here and feel comfortable”, I told everyone.
“I want you to take risks, serve your ass off and collect more NOs than you’ve ever heard in your life. Are you in?”
How about you…
Are YOU in?
Love. Rich
