Over the past 4 weeks I have led our London Intensive (our best and biggest yet); I’ve led our 12th 4PC Intensive in 3 years; and I’ve presented on stage at the Evercoach Summit.
September has been a blast. And I am ready to use the last quarter of the year for 3 things only: My health and fitness, Family time, and Finishing my second book—The Loneliness of Leadership—by Dec 31st!
And, as I come down from this intense month, I’d like to share some distinctions around hangovers that might support you if you’ve been at one or more transformational events in the past few weeks yourself…
1. AN ALCOHOL HANGOVER
You drink too much on a night out.
Take an aspirin. Drink more water.
You’re on your own with this one—it’s not my field of expertise!
2. A VULNERABILITY HANGOVER
Brené Brown says:
“Vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage.”
She says that if you take a big step and make yourself vulnerable, it is pretty likely that the next morning you’ll wake up thinking,
“Oh my God! Why did I share that? What was I thinking?”
That’s a Vulnerability Hangover!
What we teach in my community is that if you DON’T feel a Vulnerability Hangover the next morning, then you probably didn’t go far enough.
So, to all of you feeling a sense of “Oh my gosh… Did I really share that, say that, do that?”
I reply, “You have a Vulnerability Hangover. Congratulations!”
3. A POSSIBILITY HANGOVER
One of the challenges of working with an extraordinary coach is that they will help you dream bigger than you’ve ever dreamed.
Now on the one hand that is a gift. They’ll put you in touch with your SECRET DREAMS. They’ll help you connect with goals that look IMPOSSIBLE.
But on the other hand, you can wake up the next morning with a sense of dread.
You can feel overwhelmed by doubt and fear.
And, if you shared your big mission in a group setting, you can feel horrified by the thought that 150+ people will be watching you from now on…
What if you fail? What if you screw up? What if you don’t have a frickin’ clue where to even begin?!
That’s OK.
You’re feeling what I call a POSSIBILITY HANGOVER.
Remember my distinction for an Impossible Goal?
An Impossible Goal is a place to COME FROM, not a place to get to.
That helps remove the pressure.
Your job isn’t to work out the next 27 steps to accomplish your mission.
It’s to remember who you were BEING when you were at the event.
And it’s to take the first TINIEST step you can.
That’s the counterintuitive way huge goals are accomplished… ONE TINY STEP AT A TIME.
DON’T CONVERT, CONVINCE, PERSUADE OR PROSYLETIZE!
Remember that whilst you may have had big insights and made huge transformations during the Intensive—the world HASN’T changed.
It’s probably best not to go back to your husband, wife, business partner or lover to try to convince them why they too need to change!
I promise you, they won’t be able to hear you.
In fact, you’ll probably seem like you’re trying to proselytize or convert them and that’s guaranteed to be a HUGE turn off!
I recommend you actually say very little about your experience.
After all, it’s pretty hard to describe something EXPERIENTIAL in words.
Instead, put your learnings into practice—and turn your insights into action.
And repeat.
Then wait…
Wait for people in your life to approach you and say, “You seem different…” Or “How did this new success happen for you?”
Then, once they’ve asked—and if you wish—you can tell them about the experiences you’ve put yourself through. Not before.
DON’T MAKE ANY LIFE CHANGING DECISIONS IN THE NEXT 2 WEEKS…
11 years ago I went to a transformative workshop where at the end they said these words to us:
“Don’t make any life changing decisions in the next two weeks…”
Makes sense to me now.
When you immerse yourself in transformative work, surrounded by others doing the same, your world literally changes.
But the outside world doesn’t.
It can be easy to take action and make decisions that you normally would not after a transformative experience.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Great question.
It depends…
A day after that workshop finished those eleven long years ago, I met a woman. Her name is Monique.
I proposed to her 10 days later!
Was that a good idea?
Who knows?!
Turns out Monique said yes to my ‘crazy’ marriage proposal. And this year we’ll have been married for 10 years.
Would I recommend you propose to someone you just met? Probably not!
Would I recommend you do things differently from the way you usually do them? Probably!
And I’d still recommend you don’t make any life changing decisions in the next two weeks…
But do take care of yourself. Do be gentle with yourself.
Have a massage. Watch a sweet romantic comedy. Spend time cuddling—or chatting with—someone you love.
And then, whenever you’re ready, take the first TINIEST step in the direction of your dreams.
Love. Rich
P.S. Great coaches have just two jobs:
Job #1: Help your clients dream bigger than they’ve ever dreamed.
Job #2: Help them take tinier steps than they’ve ever taken.