I have an old friend who spent 23 years as one of the top male performers in the adult film industry.
Over 2,400 movies and 60+ awards.
After two decades, he left the industry and became a sexual performance coach for men. He teaches entrepreneurs and executives how to last longer, and satisfy their partners.
He’s built courses. He’s got clients. He’s really helping people.
We chatted recently and I pointed out that he’s missing something.
He’s positioning himself as a technician. Someone who teaches moves. Someone who helps anxious men perform better.
There’s definitely a market for that. Men struggle with performance anxiety. They want techniques that work.
But here’s what I asked him:
“Do you actually want to work with anxious men learning techniques, or would you be interested to work with powerful men learning presence? Because right now you’re attracting the former when your experience qualifies you for the latter.”
My focus will always be on what makes you different from every other coach on the planet. And how you can use this to enroll elite clients.
Think about what he really learned in 23 years.
It’s beyond techniques and moves.
He learned how to perform under ultimate pressure.
He learned how to be present when cameras are rolling, crew is watching, and his career depends on his ability to show up.
He learned how to manage his nervous system in the most exposing situation imaginable.
He learned how to read a partner in real-time and adapt instantly.
He learned how women respond – not to technique, but to presence.
That’s not sexual skills coaching.
That’s confidence coaching at the deepest level.
Imagine if he said this instead:
“I’ve had a sex life unlike most men on the planet. But here’s what I learned: technique is overrated. Presence is everything. And most successful men have neither.”
Now he’s not competing with sex therapists and online courses.
He’s in territory that someone like Kasia Urbaniak occupies with women – teaching power, presence, and confidence through the lens of sexuality.
He could work with CEOs whose marriages are sexless. Or high performers who dominate business but can’t relax with their partners. Men who’ve achieved everything except ease in intimate situations.
These aren’t $2,000 course buyers.
They’re $50,000+ private clients.
But here’s a secret. Today’s newsletter isn’t really about him. It’s about YOU.
I’m willing to bet you have credentials you’re not fully leveraging. Or experiences that qualify you for a bigger conversation than the one you’re currently having.
Most coaches play it safe.
They teach what’s comfortable. What’s proven. What won’t get challenged.
But the coaches who build extraordinary practices teach what they’re still learning.
They stop attracting clients who need their techniques and start attracting clients who need their presence.
Where are you playing it safe when your experience qualifies you to go deeper?
The work that scares you is probably the work you’re meant to do. Because that’s where your dream clients are waiting.
Love. Rich