As a little kid I loved to sing. I joined my school choir. It was so fun.
But one day the music teacher stopped the class in the middle of a song.
She pointed at me and in front of everyone, she said, “You sound terrible. Get out, Richard!”
I left the room in tears.
I loved to sing.
But I never sang publicly again.
Terrible teaching skills aside, that teacher had a fixed mindset about singing. You were either good at singing. Or you weren’t. And, at least according to her, I wasn’t.
When I went to high school a few years later, I had a fixed mindset about team sports.
You were either good. Or you weren’t.
And I wasn’t…
If you were good, you joined a team, you went to practice, you trained.
If you weren’t good, you weren’t invited to join a team, you didn’t practice, you didn’t train.
And for much of my life, I’ve had a fixed mindset about dancing. You can either do it. Or you can’t.
And I can’t.
When I got on the dance floor, I knew you were looking at me. If I made the tiniest of mistakes, I knew you were laughing at me.
So I didn’t get on the dance floor. Because then I couldn’t make a mistake and you couldn’t look at me, or laugh at me.
It didn’t matter that those things weren’t true. If I believed them, they were true. For me.
When it came to coaching, however, it turned out that I had a growth mindset.
I knew that my talents could be developed. I was willing to work hard. I practiced. I had mentors and I hired the very best coaches.
I didn’t care about looking smart, I put all my energy into learning.
I failed. Many, many times. I screwed up. Again and again.
And despite my success, I had plenty of struggles.
I just didn’t worry about them. I knew they were part of the process.
In fact, I continue to fail, screw up and have things not work out on a regular basis.
That’s the power of a growth mindset. You don’t let your mistakes define you. Success isn’t binary – you’re either great or you’re awful. Success is a process. And, if you’re in it for the long haul, you’re only going to get better.
Success is visible but failure is invisible
One of the biggest problems with the “always on” social media culture that we live in, is that we compare our worst moments with everybody else’s highlight reel…
Success is very visible and failure is invisible.
It can be easy to witness my successes but you might have no idea about the heart wrenching moments and the gut wrenching decisions I go through, on a regular basis.
I don’t post about my sleepless nights on facebook. I rarely share the times I am paralysed by fear. And I’ve never stopped a fight with my wife to take a selfie!
I have dozens of experiments in business that don’t work out. Literally, every year.
Always do what you are afraid to do
At dinner every night, I sit down with Monique and our little boys and we each answer 3 questions:
- What was the best bit of your day?
- What was the most challenging bit of your day?
- What did you do today that scared you?
I want my boys to celebrate their successes and the fun in their lives. I want them to learn that it’s ok to fail, to screw up and have things not work out. And I want them to know the importance of always doing what you are scared to do.
But I don’t want to “teach” them this. I want to walk my talk and model this for them. Which is why Monique and I answer these questions, each night, too.
Lean into your fears
Twelve years ago, I did a stand-up comedy course. It was terrifying. But I did it. Six years ago, I launched 4PC. It sounded crazy to say that I lead a group of the most extraordinary leaders and coaches on the planet. But I did it. Five years ago, I took an African dance course. It was really hard for me. But I did it. Two years ago, I started boxing for the first time. It was scary. But I did it. Last year, I launched my Deep Dive. This year, I launched Project Kairos. I had no idea if they’d work out. But I launched them, anyway. And now they’re some of the most fun ways I work with clients.
In 2020, I’ve decided to run only one Intensive. And in October, instead of an RLI for 150 coaches, I’m going to run a 4PC Immersion, for just 50 people. We’re going to open the doors to high level leaders and coaches and I’m going to take them through a 4PC-level experience.
Right now, I have no idea precisely what the experience will involve, <Name>!
But I know how to challenge the thinking of top performers. I know that what got you here won’t get you there. And I know how to curate a room full of extraordinary people.
Right now, this is only the seed of an idea. But I’ve shared it with my clients and we already have 43 people on the waitlist!
Lean into the punch
My boxing coach helped to rewire my brain around fear.
You see, he taught me to lean into my opponent’s punch, instead of backing away from it.
That’s scary.
It’s counterintuitive.
But it works in business, as well as boxing.
Lean into your fears.
Love. Rich