This week, Monique and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. Fifteen years… That blows my mind.
If you follow us on social media, you’ll see lots of happy, smiling photos of us. We both try to share pretty honestly and openly about our relationship but we obviously don’t take photos in the midst of an argument, a fight or a disagreement!
So you could get the impression that 15 years of marriage has been a breeze.
And it hasn’t.
Over the past 15 years, we’ve laughed a lot, we’ve cried a lot and we’ve definitely argued a lot.
We even separated for a while, after our first year of marriage. If you’ve been to Monique’s one woman show, she shares that part of our story quite openly.
We’ve faced a bunch of challenges, we’ve shed more than a few tears, we’ve shouted at each other, never thrown anything, definitely used a lot of bad language.
And when the doors to our house close, I am very grateful that you will never see the ‘little boy’ in me who shows up, every time he feels “disrespected”. In fact, I’d probably be mortified if you ever saw that side of me.
At my most recent event, I acknowledged Monique for her support of me. And I said some words from the heart that really struck me, the moment I’d uttered them:
“You get to see the best of me – on stage, on video, on fire. But my wife often sees the worst of me – sad, tired, frustrated, angry, worn out.”
Success is visible. Failure is invisible. In marriage. And in business.
For most of my dating life, I was always the one who bailed on relationships. It was very hard for me to stay committed.
I’m embarrassed to admit that it wasn’t easy for me to leave relationships and I’d often make things so uncomfortable that my partner would leave first, rather than have the uncomfortable conversations that were needed.
But something changed when I met Monique. I made a decision to be ALL IN. I was not going to bail.
I’ve been close a couple of times. And so has she! But I somehow knew that this time I was fully in. No matter what.
In this photo of us in San Francisco City Hall, on our wedding day, I’ve never noticed before that the exit is literally right behind me. Not taking that exit has been a conscious choice, every day, for the past 15 years.
I made the same decision with coaching.
I was fully in.
I sold my house in London to fund the first two years of my career. I very consciously burned my bridges. I am not recommending it but I knew I didn’t want a way back.
I made the same decision with 4PC. I am creating a community where I am all in for 25 years. We’re about to begin Year 9. We’re on fire but we’ve barely scratched the surface.
I can’t guarantee that I’ll be a coach in 15 years, or celebrating my 30th wedding anniversary.
Results are always out of your control. But commitment. That’s on you.
How about you: what are YOU committed to, no matter what?
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