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“I hate you!” – the 3 most important words in coaching…

Your clients need to say, “I hate you!” more often… 

You’re not there to be your clients’ friend. And you’re not there to be liked by your clients. They have their friends and you have yours. 

I often become friends with my clients but I never begin a coaching agreement with the hope or desire to become their friend. 

Your friends are inside your comfort zone but the life you desire is outside of your comfort zone. 

The problem with our friends is that they love us. So they want us to stay safe and there’s a massive problem with staying safe…

Almost everything meaningful you want is on the other side of an uncomfortable conversation or an action that scares you. 

Plus, for some of your friends, your risk-taking can reflect their own timidity. They unconsciously want you to avoid risks, so they can feel better about the risks that they’re NOT taking. 

If you want to live an extraordinary life, stop seeking guidance from friends and family. Surround yourself with a powerful coach, a learned mentor and a community of people playing a bigger game than you. 

A Powerful Coach polarizes, provokes and perturbs their clients


Stop trying to get people to like you. Your job is to polarize people. Not to upset them but to challenge their thinking. 

When you polarize people, you’ll turn them into 10s or 1s. The 10s will love you forever, the 1s will leave you forever.

If you’re not getting criticized regularly, you’re marketing to build your self-esteem. You’ll get ‘likes’ on social media. You just won’t get clients.

If you’re reading this you’re in my community of 10s but did you know that I get unsubscribes to EVERY SINGLE newsletter I write?


Don’t be afraid to evoke strong emotions in your clients. 

Anger is a mask for desire and frustration is fuel for desire. Don’t be afraid of a client’s frustration or anger. They are often a sign that you’re getting to the heart of the matter. 

In a world where one of the hardest things for most people is to own what they really, really want, your job as a coach is to draw out your clients‘ true desires. 


Scientists use the word perturb to describe something that has affected a normal process. Perturbation is a sign that transformation is taking place. 

You’re in the transformation business. Don’t be afraid to unsettle your clients, to throw them off balance. 

“I hate you!”

If at least one client a day doesn’t say “I hate you!” (with a slight smile on their face) you’re not stretching them deep enough. 

If at least one person doesn’t unsubscribe from your email list every time you write to them, you’re not truly growing your community. 

Your clients need to say, “I hate you!” more often…

Love. Rich


PS. Exciting News… The acclaimed 90 Day Money Game is making its grand return! For 16 years, this unique Client Creation game has been the secret weapon for the world’s top coaches ready to create their next client. Now, it’s your opportunity to join the ranks… 


PLUS, whenever you’re ready – here are 4 more ways you can amplify your coaching impact and income: 

  1. The Coaching In Challenging Times Playbook. The year ahead is likely to be volatile and uncertain, which is why this playbook has been downloaded by tens of thousands of coaches…  
  2. Our Intensives have sold out for over a decade. Secure your spot now – 101 tickets have already been claimed. Choose between The Virtual RLI to unlock the secrets to a thriving coaching business. Or Join me at The Santa Fe RLI – our first in-person Intensive in 5 years, bundled with complimentary Virtual RLI access.
  3. Rich Litvin RAW! Dive into over 40 hours of my immersive coaching content, accessible anytime, anywhere. It’s like having a coaching seminar in your pocket!
  4. The Thinking Partnership: This is beyond coaching – it’s exclusive and personal support. One of my clients is a former international boxer turned elite coach, another is the founder of a global therapy school. I provoke your thinking, you take action, and your life and business transforms. One spot available.  

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