“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” -Alice Walker
Most people live a reported on life. A life full of excuses. A life that happens to them.
Yet, a few people learn to live a created life. A life that is created by them…
One of my clients was an executive at a Fortune 500 company, prior to becoming a consultant at one of the big consulting firms and then a coach.
She came back from a tropical island vacation in the Maldives, just before one of our coaching sessions.
“Oh my gosh, Rich,” she said. “It was amazing. We got upgraded to the Presidential Suite for the entire trip. And we were given a personal chef to cook for us, every day, at no extra cost.
I wish my life in London could be like that…”
“How did you do it?” I asked.
It was a pattern interrupt.
A pattern interrupt is a coaching technique I’ll sometimes use to change someone’s thoughts or mindset about a situation.
She looked surprised.
You see, I knew she was about to try to enroll me in her belief that this experience had happened to her. And that her life in London wasn’t like that.
But I also know that life is created. And this experience happened because of her.
“Well.” she said, “We did actually stay at this hotel once before. About ten years earlier. And the staff were so kind that we wrote a personal handwritten note to everyone we met.
And they remembered us – ten years later – and because they were so touched by what we’d done, they upgraded us to the Presidential Suite.
Then, on our first night, we asked to sit at the table nearest to the kitchen. We’re real foodies and we asked the chef lots of deep questions about his cooking and his life story. He was so touched that we were so genuinely interested in him, that he asked if he could be our private chef for the rest of our stay!”
“Hmm…” I wondered aloud, “What if you could create your life in London exactly the same way?”
We created a distinction we called ‘The Maldives in London’.
She wrote handwritten letters and brought genuine curiosity more and more to her world. Endless opportunities began to open up, that hadn’t seemed possible, prior to the insight that her world could always be created.
Amaze yourself with your own daring
Two thousand years ago, Seneca said,
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that things are difficult.”
At the heart of it, all I do as a coach is help you to dare more.
Yet, the two most common answers to my question, “What do you want?” are:
- Confidence
- Clarity
“If only I had more confidence, then I’d…”
“If only I had more clarity, then I’d…”
But here’s the thing:
1. Confidence is a result, not a requirement. Did you have confidence before your last big business venture or before taking on your last successful project?
2. Clarity is not essential, before you begin. It will arise on the journey. After all, how much clarity did you have 10 years ago that you’d be doing precisely what you are doing today? Most people I ask didn’t have a clue where they’d be right now!
A great coach helps people realize they are far more powerful than they think.
An extraordinary coach helps powerful people remember just how powerful they are.
You’d be surprised at how often I’m reminding powerful people how powerful they are.
People who have already had a lot of success, or who appear very powerful to their peers and colleagues, can actually feel an unexpected sense of loneliness, sadness or emptiness. They can feel self-doubt, exhaustion and like a fraud more often than most people know.
One of the attendees at my recent LA Deep Dive was a former aide to President Obama. Within two days of the Deep Dive, she was in negotiation with one of the top publishers in the US to publish her book.
Also within days of the Deep Dive, a former executive, who was an expert at building other people’s business, had signed her own first $100,000 client.
A small reminder of how powerful you are – and knowing that someone believes in you, deeply – is often enough to let people dare once again…
Byron Katie once said, “You can have anything you want in life if you’re willing to receive 1,000 NOs.”
That’s why I help people dare.
Because everything you want is so much closer than you imagine.
I’ll leave you with one of the questions that has transformed my life, and the lives of countless clients, by helping us dare more:
What would you do if you had no fear?
Love. Rich
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