The #1 Mistake That Impacts Your Confidence
A year ago I coached someone live, on a teleseminar, listened to by an audience of over 1,100 people.
A coach who heard the conversation messaged me the next day:
“Rich, you are a master of saying things that make me uncomfortable—like you did on the call yesterday, with the guy you were coaching.
You told him to get present when you heard him typing in the background.
You called him out. It was great to witness.
Yet if I consider doing the same, I get scared and say nothing.”
HERE’S WHAT *ACTUALLY* HAPPENED
The listener made an interesting observation. But here’s what ACTUALLY happened…
When I initially heard the client typing, I felt a little overwhelmed.
Thoughts began to swirl around my head, especially because I was aware that so many people were listening in.
So I ignored his typing and tried to keep coaching him, anyway.
Then, in real time, a member of my team texted me. We’d planned that I would have my cellphone in front of me, so she could message me in case of any technical issues.
The message read: “He’s not very present, Rich. I can hear him typing furiously in the background…”
When I read it, I immediately snapped back into what was really going on.
If he was busy making notes on our conversation, he could miss the one insight that might change everything.
So, I took a deep breath.
I told him to stop.
I told him to get truly present to our conversation.
And it was from that moment on that the true impact of the coaching really began to take place.
When I first started building my coaching practice—about 12 years ago—I was fascinated by ‘natural confidence’.
You see, I’d lacked confidence for SO much of my life.
Who were those people who seemed to be confident in EVERY situation?
I interviewed dozens of amazing people.
Guests on Oprah, Olympic athletes, even a man who was paid to break into banks for a living to test their security systems.
One of the most important lessons I learned was that I tended to lack confidence when I compared what other people LOOKED like on the outside, compared with how I was FEELING on the inside…
What a mistake that was!
I had NO CLUE what they were feeling on the inside.
Over the years, I’ve met and coached super successful people in all sorts of fields—from high-performing athletes, to multi-million dollar business owners to special forces operatives.
And whilst a few of them are confident in every situation, MOST of them can look totally confident on the outside, whilst going through EVERYTHING I go through on the inside…
Self-doubt, insecurity, fear of missing out, imposter syndrome, overwhelm, voices in your head that say you are not enough, deep exhaustion, loneliness…
I know ALL of these.
I’ve met world-class athletes, entrepreneurs and even millionaires who feel ALL of these. Often on a regular basis.
You are not alone.
Which makes JOB #1 simple, but not easy:
STOP COMPARING HOW *YOU FEEL* ON THE INSIDE WITH HOW *THEY LOOK* ON THE OUTSIDE.