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Who The Hell Are You?

I spent most of my life asking myself, Who Am I?
Who am I to be a coach? Who am I to teach others? Who am I to be a leader? Who am I to write a book? Who am I to marry a beautiful woman?

Truthfully, the voice in my head that uttered those words to me, so often, sounded much more mean.

And they came out more like, “Who the f**k are YOU?”

The secret fear that I’ve carried since being a young child is that I’m ‘worthless’—which meant I constantly showed up trying to ‘prove’ myself.

It didn’t matter who ‘you’ were, I did whatever I could to attain your approval. I tried to dress the right way, say the right things and do what it took.

Except it was painful.

I rarely got the approval I sought.

And even if I did it felt yucky because I wasn’t being myself anyway.


One day I shared my “Who Am I?” question with my friend Sean Stephenson.

And he said, Well, who ARE you?

And he blew my mind.

I froze.

Time seemed to stand still.

Because I knew this was my moment.

The insight came.

I got it. In an instant.

All I had to do was to answer his question and claim who I am.

And I was afraid.

Because this wasn’t about proving myself.

This was about owning who I really am.

Sean didn’t give a shit about my answer. I knew that.

I didn’t need to ‘prove’ myself to him. I knew that.

He had me see that Who am I? wasn’t a rhetorical question. It only had power over me if I DIDN’T answer it.

So in that moment, I went there with him.

It was edgy. I had to put humility to one side. I had to own my power, not hide from it.

I told him who I am.
No self-deprecation.
No holding back.
No apology.

I owned the powerful man that I am.
I owned the impact I have in the world.
And I owned the difference that I make.

And then I paused.

I looked into his eyes and the bastard was smiling at me.

And we laughed out loud.


Wow. I thought I understood the power of questions.

After all, the mission of a powerful coach is not to answer the questions that our clients are asking – it is to help our clients upgrade the quality of the questions they are living into.

I’d just missed that it could be even more subtle than that.

Who am I? is a question that has held me back for most of my life. It’s had me play small. It’s had me look for ‘heroes’. It’s had me feel less than and trying to ‘prove’ myself.

A tiny change of emphasis on the second word, to Who AM I? enabled me to answer that question MYSELF, for the first time, instead of seeking validation


The key to becoming a better coach and a better leader is not in our training, our skills or our education but in our self-awareness.

It’s our blind spots that hold us back, not the things we already know we need to improve on.

Our clients show up believing they live in a world with ‘hard edges’. A world where some things are possible but others are IMPOSSIBLE.

Ever heard a client say, But you don’t understand…?

9-10-16 broadcast

The best way to get to these blind spots is a powerful question.


Click here for some of the most powerful coaching questions I know. The list continues to grow.


What’s YOUR favorite, most powerful (secret) coaching question?

Love. Rich

PS. Dramatically increase your confidence as a coach by mastering enrolling clients. Drastically increase your ability to raise your fees and up-level your clients. And learn to have fun making money. Join me on The 90 Day Money Game. There’s still time to join us…   


PLUS, whenever you’re ready – here are 4 more ways you can drastically increase your income and impact as a world-class coach:

  1. Assess your current coaching level and learn how to get to your next level. Read – or remind yourself of – The Litvin Levels, from The Prosperous Coach.
  2. Watch me coach some of the top coaches on the planet, in order to drastically uplevel your coaching skills. Join me on How To Coach A Superhero: The 4PC edition
  3. Imagine joining a Deep Coaching experience alongside the members of 4PC, my community of high-level coaches… We only offer The 4PC Accelerator once a year and it always sells out in advance. Save $1,000 with early-bird pricing.
  4. Learn how to enroll and coach successful, talented and ambitious clients – with power and impact. Join my flagship program, Project Kairos – for 8 months of guidance, challenge and support to master creating clients.


Transforming world-class leaders into world-class coaches.
That’s what we do.

If this sounds like you, let’s talk and explore if working together is a good fit.

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